giddy whirlwind

1. Cosmo is hot, hot, hot!!!

2. I told him where I am as far as who I have been with in the last 14 years. The list of one.

3. His is twice that in the last 7 months. Fuck.

4. I asked and he replied with "do you really want to know?"

5. I am glad I know.

6. He spent the night. . . but I told him I won't sleep with him.

7. I gave a speech about how my libido, emotions, most of my thoughts and my desires are at odds with my intellect which is saying, "Wait! You have only known him two weeks."

8. He at least pretended to understand and I had him repeat it back to me.

9. I asked him to get tested. It took a while for me to ask. It did not work into conversation well.

10. I would need a soundtrack if I told more of the story - some instrumental from between "Sly and the Family Stone" (waka waka soundtracks) or "Enigma" (makeout music).

11. I felt his manhood through his pants. He should be proud of himself.

12. My boobies are a little tender. Damn.

Way to Confuse a Girl!

1. Yeah, I just called myself a girl.

2. I am 34 years old as of yesterday.

3. Cosmo is hot, hot, hot.

4. Just made out like, uh, making out and hugging kind of on his bed rabbits.

5. I kept my feet on the floor and shoes on; he is hot.

6. Now I have to go to Vichysoisse's house Tuesday and I will be thinking of Cosmo, just as I thought of Vichysoisse when I showed up at Cosmo's house, but not for long.

7. Now I will be able to talk to Vichysoisse more openly.

8. Cosmo said he wanted a relationship, he was content just to kiss me - for now (he is a lying octopus) and when we sat on the deck I put his feet on my lap (socks) and rubbed them. He in turn rubbed my boobie with his foot. I asked why he was rubbing my boobie with his foot. He said, "Why do you think?"

9. He kissed my ears. He is pushing buttons I did not know I had.

10. Damn, he is hot.

11. Saturday, I see him Saturday. Portsmouth, NH. Nice town. Anywhere but my house or his, see #12.

12. Virtue hanging by a thread.

13. This blog is going to need a soundtrack.

14. What am I doing?

15. I think hw is Muslim.

16. Hot.

boy juggling

Soooo, I met online guy of note #2. He needs a better name. Cosmo. The man is from Tunisia, South of Sicily in Africa. It is a French colony. He has lived in Rome and the US. He is the only one I know who knows 4 languages.

He is very attentive and a little touchy-feely. Hand touching, arm, shoulder. I kissed on the first date, again. I was wearing heels and he waited for me to step off the curb so I seemed shorter.

I was a little worried when he was late. He got lost. his directions were bad. I waited for him for a while, went to the house, and finally met him at Starbucks. We had 10 minutes before they closed. When they closed, I suggested an Italian soda at Il Paradisio. He followed me there. We talked for about 3 hours. We walked along the street to look in a gallery window and back to the car. We kissed goodnight.

He is slightly feminine in affect, but that is just cultural. I kind of like his way of being. He is cute in person and looks younger than his pictures. I got a kiss goodnight. He is neat. He is likely the cutest boy I have ever dated.

Dating 2 boys ensures you are center-centered, not stupid, flitty some other boy-centered. While I was driving to Il Paradisio with Cosmo in tow, I called Vichysoisse (being followed by a beautiful man makes me feel gutsy.) I told him I am dying to hear his Smurfette joke. (He stopped short of telling a Smurfette joke/story on our first date.) He said it is dirty and is much better in person. He went on to invite me to dinner Tuesday. Before I knew it I was taking wine. WTF? No weekend date? Why do I still like him? My therapist said that what I found online was just a snapshot and I could wait to find it out on my own from him. Why do I like Vichysoisse? Nuts! Is there no honor whatsoever in making out with him? A little? Practice? ...HSV?

Cosmo was so upfront and said he wants to get together and watch a movie. Was I just invited to his house? Wearing the scarlet "S" (slut) - but just because I am a flirty slut aspiring to be a makeout slut. I really hope Cosmo is not looking to get laid.

1. I called Vichysoisse after 10:30 A.M. Yeah, I know. I had to call him in order to find out 1 1 /2 hours before we were supposed to have met that he fell asleep last night and his father 'needs' him to help work on his shed.

2. He was apologetic about not having called me. He had, of course, real but lame excuses.

3. He needs to slither on his belly a little and apologize a bit more. I mean it.

4. It is like pulling teeth, now.

5. I will not pursue him, I will not pursue him, I will not pursue him.

6. I am failing #5.

By the numbers

1. I saw another blogger writing in this style. I will see if it works for me.

2. I had Vicchysoisse over on Tuesday, and I feel like I am pulling teeth to get him to do anything with me.

3. More on that later.

4. I spoke with a new online guy, Tanzia, on the phone yesterday. We spoke for an hour or so.

5. His pictures are cute. My absent friend, Rebecca, will roll her eyes that he is bald. He looks like he has a hidden gut like me (I know it is not hidden) contrary to his description of himself. There goes that episode of self-consciousness for me.

6. I call him Tanzia as he was born there and has lived in Italy and parts of the US. He is a citizen.

7. Below Italy in Africa.

8. On Tuesday, I was a total inept cook with Vichysoisse. I threw out the shrimp I was going to cook because it spent a couple hours in my car and the chicken was overdone.

9. We sat on the big red chairs facing each other and talked. Three goodnight kisses at the door.

10. At this rate I should work up to a makeout session by Summer (8 months)

11. The man knows everyone of signifigance on the planet. One of his buddies owns the India Crown Jewels (yes, I capitalized it), I don't remember how many more karats the centerstone in one of the headpieces is than the largest in the England jewels, but Vichysoisse could tell you.

12. His daughters were invited on a $14,000 trip to India aboard the royal train. He may not be able to afford to go.

13. Does anyone know of the useless Edwardian sons who sit around and do nothing and have too many connections but can't make their way in the world?

14. He has a Master's from Harvard and works in a bakery.

15. He was supposed to call me last night about what playground we
are going to to have a picnic. 9:43 A.M. and still no call.

16. When he calls I will let it go to voicemail.

17. I am thinking all sorts of nasty things right now. If he does not give a great big apology for leaving me hanging, I will likely mention it nicely.

18. I am through being a doormat. Breakup girl says even the president has time for a relationship.

19. Who else is out there?

In my domain!!!

He is coming over to play on Tuesday!

I am cleaning the apt and unpacking and arranging things like crazy. I think my grades are falling because of it.

I am making goat cheese spread for the bread he will bring, butter in a cute mold if I find one, pressed carrot and beet salad in timbales, some rice dish, orange chicken, wedges of pumpkin, and coffee with flourles chocolate cake. I need a wine suggestion. White. . .something?

I have great linens and dishes. I need silver polish. I am so nervous.

This whole professing his like so openly but not making a pass is really getting to me. I want to be able to whisper the phrase, "Whoa, cowboy" a little breathlessly.

I can't read a cereal box - let alone a man!

Really! First the cop thing, then this.

Vicchysoise called me to say that he would like to know what is up. He gave me the same talk I was looking forward to giving him! He thought I was taking a back seat and not contacting him! He did not want to be a bother with all I have going on and he wants me to communicate with him on my own comfort level.

He apologized again for the terrible email and he thought he had ruined it forever. He really fell all over himself to say he was sorry. Good. . .and I see no other indication that he thinks that way except the daily bikini page he has as a favorite on ebay. how do I approach that one? Hey, I was cyberstalking you and saw this?

All this consideration for my privacy and I am sitting at home waiting to be courted. We are both staring at our phones thinking, "Call me!"

The apartment is still like the Eastern block - with a broken drain. I am busy with school and work all weekend and I need to get out Tuesday when the kids are gone albeit with him or someone else.

I want him to come and play.