How can I dump him if he doesn't call me?

I got this email below today after about 2 weeks of no contact. Funny, in our last conversation I said I needed to talk to him in person. Nothing since.



Happy Valentine's Day





WTF? Thought I was washing him away. I know what will happen if I fall for it again. I won't survive. I won't be able to talk to him without crying. Maybe he is just trying to be nice. maybe the separation period is over and now he wants to be "friends." Fit of conscience? Him? Didn't work out with the other girl I assume exists? Can't he call? It's a Wednesday, I have the kids, and so this is not a segue into booty.

Makes me want to diet (eew, life without goat cheese) and put on a pair of jeans and go on a date with the Libyan (?) restaurant guy who is as elusive as a g-spot.

Seems like a trend with guys I like. Jenny McCarthy said ". . .The guys we like will never like us, so fuck the guys, here's to us!"

Can't respond tomorrow, too desperate. Friday night I will be busy by definition of the word Friday when in a sentence with the word ex-boyfriend. . .as with the rest of the weekend. That leaves Monday. Nothing before Monday. Eager is the last thing I want to seem like or be.

" I am hoping you are well. Batting-Eyelashes"
Or how about
" Oh, now you want to saunter back into my life just as if nothing ever happened. We have some distance from the ugliness that was our relationship, and you want to gloss over the real problems and pretend you were never a little prick. 'Hey, buddy. What up!' Wanna go candlepin bowling sometime? Oh, what a silly bitch I am. You do not have sex when candlepin bowling. Why would you want to do that?' "

Now that I have no interest, or at least am feigning no interest, you are coming back. Not quite the crawling on your belly you need to do before I hope I have the sense to kick you to the curb.

Good way to end the post, "I hope I have the sense to kick you to the curb."

musings

My irrational attachment to you has the potential to fuck up so many other future relationships.


S - The Cool-and-Aloof game is rather fun, even more so than Chutes and Ladders.
IG – Stephanie, Chutes and Ladders is more boring than Candyland
S – I know; I am on a roll. You are supposed to make me feel better.
IG – How can you be cool and aloof if there is no recipient for said behavior? Besides, you are sitting in front of the keyboard eating Haagen-Dazs and tearing up. (Without the container in front of me, how would I know how to spell it?)
S – I haven’t called him in 2 hours or so. And the last time I called, no message was left.
IG – Where is your dignity?
S – Humor me, Inner Goddess. It is a baby step.

taking a break from the blogging thing. No longer am I testing the waters as the blog title indicates. I have a boyfriend. (He, he, he)

giddy whirlwind

1. Cosmo is hot, hot, hot!!!

2. I told him where I am as far as who I have been with in the last 14 years. The list of one.

3. His is twice that in the last 7 months. Fuck.

4. I asked and he replied with "do you really want to know?"

5. I am glad I know.

6. He spent the night. . . but I told him I won't sleep with him.

7. I gave a speech about how my libido, emotions, most of my thoughts and my desires are at odds with my intellect which is saying, "Wait! You have only known him two weeks."

8. He at least pretended to understand and I had him repeat it back to me.

9. I asked him to get tested. It took a while for me to ask. It did not work into conversation well.

10. I would need a soundtrack if I told more of the story - some instrumental from between "Sly and the Family Stone" (waka waka soundtracks) or "Enigma" (makeout music).

11. I felt his manhood through his pants. He should be proud of himself.

12. My boobies are a little tender. Damn.

Way to Confuse a Girl!

1. Yeah, I just called myself a girl.

2. I am 34 years old as of yesterday.

3. Cosmo is hot, hot, hot.

4. Just made out like, uh, making out and hugging kind of on his bed rabbits.

5. I kept my feet on the floor and shoes on; he is hot.

6. Now I have to go to Vichysoisse's house Tuesday and I will be thinking of Cosmo, just as I thought of Vichysoisse when I showed up at Cosmo's house, but not for long.

7. Now I will be able to talk to Vichysoisse more openly.

8. Cosmo said he wanted a relationship, he was content just to kiss me - for now (he is a lying octopus) and when we sat on the deck I put his feet on my lap (socks) and rubbed them. He in turn rubbed my boobie with his foot. I asked why he was rubbing my boobie with his foot. He said, "Why do you think?"

9. He kissed my ears. He is pushing buttons I did not know I had.

10. Damn, he is hot.

11. Saturday, I see him Saturday. Portsmouth, NH. Nice town. Anywhere but my house or his, see #12.

12. Virtue hanging by a thread.

13. This blog is going to need a soundtrack.

14. What am I doing?

15. I think hw is Muslim.

16. Hot.

boy juggling

Soooo, I met online guy of note #2. He needs a better name. Cosmo. The man is from Tunisia, South of Sicily in Africa. It is a French colony. He has lived in Rome and the US. He is the only one I know who knows 4 languages.

He is very attentive and a little touchy-feely. Hand touching, arm, shoulder. I kissed on the first date, again. I was wearing heels and he waited for me to step off the curb so I seemed shorter.

I was a little worried when he was late. He got lost. his directions were bad. I waited for him for a while, went to the house, and finally met him at Starbucks. We had 10 minutes before they closed. When they closed, I suggested an Italian soda at Il Paradisio. He followed me there. We talked for about 3 hours. We walked along the street to look in a gallery window and back to the car. We kissed goodnight.

He is slightly feminine in affect, but that is just cultural. I kind of like his way of being. He is cute in person and looks younger than his pictures. I got a kiss goodnight. He is neat. He is likely the cutest boy I have ever dated.

Dating 2 boys ensures you are center-centered, not stupid, flitty some other boy-centered. While I was driving to Il Paradisio with Cosmo in tow, I called Vichysoisse (being followed by a beautiful man makes me feel gutsy.) I told him I am dying to hear his Smurfette joke. (He stopped short of telling a Smurfette joke/story on our first date.) He said it is dirty and is much better in person. He went on to invite me to dinner Tuesday. Before I knew it I was taking wine. WTF? No weekend date? Why do I still like him? My therapist said that what I found online was just a snapshot and I could wait to find it out on my own from him. Why do I like Vichysoisse? Nuts! Is there no honor whatsoever in making out with him? A little? Practice? ...HSV?

Cosmo was so upfront and said he wants to get together and watch a movie. Was I just invited to his house? Wearing the scarlet "S" (slut) - but just because I am a flirty slut aspiring to be a makeout slut. I really hope Cosmo is not looking to get laid.

1. I called Vichysoisse after 10:30 A.M. Yeah, I know. I had to call him in order to find out 1 1 /2 hours before we were supposed to have met that he fell asleep last night and his father 'needs' him to help work on his shed.

2. He was apologetic about not having called me. He had, of course, real but lame excuses.

3. He needs to slither on his belly a little and apologize a bit more. I mean it.

4. It is like pulling teeth, now.

5. I will not pursue him, I will not pursue him, I will not pursue him.

6. I am failing #5.

By the numbers

1. I saw another blogger writing in this style. I will see if it works for me.

2. I had Vicchysoisse over on Tuesday, and I feel like I am pulling teeth to get him to do anything with me.

3. More on that later.

4. I spoke with a new online guy, Tanzia, on the phone yesterday. We spoke for an hour or so.

5. His pictures are cute. My absent friend, Rebecca, will roll her eyes that he is bald. He looks like he has a hidden gut like me (I know it is not hidden) contrary to his description of himself. There goes that episode of self-consciousness for me.

6. I call him Tanzia as he was born there and has lived in Italy and parts of the US. He is a citizen.

7. Below Italy in Africa.

8. On Tuesday, I was a total inept cook with Vichysoisse. I threw out the shrimp I was going to cook because it spent a couple hours in my car and the chicken was overdone.

9. We sat on the big red chairs facing each other and talked. Three goodnight kisses at the door.

10. At this rate I should work up to a makeout session by Summer (8 months)

11. The man knows everyone of signifigance on the planet. One of his buddies owns the India Crown Jewels (yes, I capitalized it), I don't remember how many more karats the centerstone in one of the headpieces is than the largest in the England jewels, but Vichysoisse could tell you.

12. His daughters were invited on a $14,000 trip to India aboard the royal train. He may not be able to afford to go.

13. Does anyone know of the useless Edwardian sons who sit around and do nothing and have too many connections but can't make their way in the world?

14. He has a Master's from Harvard and works in a bakery.

15. He was supposed to call me last night about what playground we
are going to to have a picnic. 9:43 A.M. and still no call.

16. When he calls I will let it go to voicemail.

17. I am thinking all sorts of nasty things right now. If he does not give a great big apology for leaving me hanging, I will likely mention it nicely.

18. I am through being a doormat. Breakup girl says even the president has time for a relationship.

19. Who else is out there?

In my domain!!!

He is coming over to play on Tuesday!

I am cleaning the apt and unpacking and arranging things like crazy. I think my grades are falling because of it.

I am making goat cheese spread for the bread he will bring, butter in a cute mold if I find one, pressed carrot and beet salad in timbales, some rice dish, orange chicken, wedges of pumpkin, and coffee with flourles chocolate cake. I need a wine suggestion. White. . .something?

I have great linens and dishes. I need silver polish. I am so nervous.

This whole professing his like so openly but not making a pass is really getting to me. I want to be able to whisper the phrase, "Whoa, cowboy" a little breathlessly.

I can't read a cereal box - let alone a man!

Really! First the cop thing, then this.

Vicchysoise called me to say that he would like to know what is up. He gave me the same talk I was looking forward to giving him! He thought I was taking a back seat and not contacting him! He did not want to be a bother with all I have going on and he wants me to communicate with him on my own comfort level.

He apologized again for the terrible email and he thought he had ruined it forever. He really fell all over himself to say he was sorry. Good. . .and I see no other indication that he thinks that way except the daily bikini page he has as a favorite on ebay. how do I approach that one? Hey, I was cyberstalking you and saw this?

All this consideration for my privacy and I am sitting at home waiting to be courted. We are both staring at our phones thinking, "Call me!"

The apartment is still like the Eastern block - with a broken drain. I am busy with school and work all weekend and I need to get out Tuesday when the kids are gone albeit with him or someone else.

I want him to come and play.

Vichysoise Still Has His Profile off TRUE.com

but I put mine back up. Sheesh, I saw him on match.com, recently active, by the way, who does he think he is fooling? I might have the guts to tell him that, too. Maybe. If I ever talk to the spamming emailer again. Funny, I was not on the recipient list of his last email. I was one of the blind copied. ...and what the hell business does he have telling his friend that I stayed at his house until 2:30 then hanging up? Really. Then he explained it by saying friend doesn't care because he is gay. I certainly care.

Even though I know he is not the one, I really like talking to him. Somehow, though, it seems sad that we are moving on. Maybe I need some closure. When I think of calling him, I hear breakupgirl's voice in my head - "Don't call, don't call, don't call. . ." and, I know that just because I am at the computer right now does not mean that my social life is not a giddy whirlwind. Right.

Besides, he needs to contact me because he has the little bauble I accidentally left at his house. A stupid ring. Or I will say what I think when I have a bad vichysoise moment.

I am winking at people online. Gee, I hope it works. Then I can believe the giddy whilwind statement. I will be fitting people in for coffee when the kids are at school. "I can do between 9:30 and 11:30 most weekdays."

A recent dating Herstory

To keep the entirety of my divorcee dating in one spot, I have cut and pasted some email excerpts. I hope it tells a cohesive story.


June 26, 2006

I interviewed an 86 year-old woman yesterday who thinks she is Thelma from Thelma and Louise. I told her the story of a man who has a painting company and I retained him to paint my parents house. He is really nice AND cute. Nice combo. He asked if we should meet, instead of at my parent's house, at my house or if we should meet for coffee to work out the details. I said that we should meet at my parent's house as I have been here all day. After I hung up, I realized I was being asked out on a date. She called me stupid. She said I should ask him out who to my house and sleep with him. Uh, I would settle for a cup of coffee at this point. . . and a kiss or three. The only problem is that his name is that of my ex-husband. Yow. Tough break.

What is the universe trying to tell me with the name? I have had no coffee with him. . . yet. I am having trouble finding how to ask him afterI blew him off. Hinting does not work well.

The special message the universe is trying to give me about the name is that not all men with that name are bad and I could guard against turning into a bitter man-hater. He caught me checking him out in a polo shirt. Mmmm.

Painter guy will be by later to get the rest of his money andlook over thecompleted job. Then he will not be a worker type, and he will be more of afree agent. A friend of mine said to wait until he is done withthe job, because you don't sleep where you eat or something like that.

Aug. 2, 2006


I asked out cute painter boy and he said . . .yeah.

Have you ever heard such a cute word? Cheers to my first date in 13 years,Friday at 4 P.M.! Just coffee.

Aug.4, 2006

I think I missed him. I sat down in a corner around a corner (I felt kind ofconspicuous) and waited. I was listening for him and thought I heard him. Then, from around the corner I thought I saw his ear. Did he get a haircut? Nuts. He did not look (maybe he looked diagonally and missed me in thecorner).So I spoke with my guy friend who said I should call him right away and stopplaying games. Again, I have to get the nerve up to call him - and forsomething more serious. If he meant to be a no show, then I probably don't care, anyway.

I called him. He was so sorry to have missed me! He was in the middle of helping a friend move (good guy points!) He asked if I would like to reschedule! I said I would love to. He showed up early, sat in the window seat and looked for my car when he left. I told him I parked down the street and sat in the back of the coffee place. He will call back this weekend. Ooooh, I am sooooo in like!

Aug.15, 2006

Dumb patiner guy forgot to paint the front door. Yeah, now he is dumb, not cute. I have noooooo problem asking my mommy to call him to do it as long as I am not around. None at all. I have a secret. Shhh! I have an (internet) date tomorrow at a coffee shop. He is mister rebound icebreaker. His name is "Chicken soup" and we are meeting at Breaking New Grounds in Portsmouth just in case I do not return. Of course he could be more, but I am not getting excited about it. I waste NO time! And next week I am asking out cute coffeeshop guy. (See, someone else is occupyingthe 'cute' space.) If he says no, I will ask someone else. I have the goal ofbeing caffeinated by the end of this month! Good thing there is little to no opportunity for anyone to steal a kiss at that kind of date; awkward moment averted! I would get plenty of dates (I think) if I could put my picture online. I will not date someone without one, and can't put one up until I get my new mobile phone.

Aug.16, 2006

Oh, the date thing. I just got back. He is cuter in person. We passed backand forth some witty banter, talked a little too much about the exes, and spent2 1/2 hours at it. His phone rang, and I asked if it was his escape call. Just a nice good time was had. At the end he said that I should email him andlet him know what I think about the afternoon. At the end I caught himchecking me out as I left. I thought, "yeah, baby. I am all that. DAAAAMN right I am and you know it."

Dad should call painter guy. It, I suppose, is a boy job. have I mentioned Iam soooooo over him?

Oh, getting cuter by the minute rebound from the invisible wonder asked me to email him and let him know what I think when we parted at the coffee shop. I did with:

"Thank you, 'Chicken soup' I had a lovely afternoon. Stephanie"

He replied late last night with:

"Your welcome stephanie,I'm glad you had a good time"

Did he not have a good time, too? He asked me to email him, so that means hewanted to hear from me. He is glad I had a good time, at least. The lame asscould ask me out again after checking me out for free. Does he not know thereis a weekend coming up? What does he think I am going to do, sit around and knit? Am I obsessing? Do I sound desperate? I think we chatted like oldgirlfriend. . .wait, reassessing, like old . . .lovers, yeah.I think I need to go out for coffee with a dating dilution stunt double, too. Someone from a different town.

Aug.18, 2006

He is Chicken Soup for the Loins!!!!
I should open a blog for this stuff!!!
Who wants to read a dating blog?
Did you save any of my recent email? I think I will incorporate it.
Oooooh, I am soooo witty.

I don't know if he wanted a lengthier email. I thought it was gracious and tothe point. He seems to be a pretty straightforward guy, I hope he would nothave to build up to asking me out again.I will hold my breath and ask him out to an outdoor theatre thing this weekend. Maybe. I am using TRUE. You know, the one that advertises online with thebikini-clad bimbo?

I am moving into graduate housing at UMass on the 28th. (Translate: Lots ofmen) smart men, liberal brainiacs who will make me swoon. Oh, geeks. Nerds,even. Loafers, brown Al Gore corduroy pantsed polo-shirted pocket protectoredart gallery-loving, latte making and drinking, higher education- appreciatingmen who can actually read something other than popular paperback mysteries. Someone who will know what a sonnet is, explain Biochemistry to me, "Oh, baby,explain sweet Biochemistry to me! Whisper poly-syllable alliteration into myear. Recite Chaucer in French!" . . . appreciate wine, shop at Crate andBarrel for lack of a better place, share the awe I feel towards Design WithinReach, scoff at the pretentious postmodernistic attempt at cosmopolitanism soflagrantly exhibited at Starbucks, go to poetry slams or Ghana, Africa and feelat home.I think I need a Galouises or even a Dunhill. (schmancy cigarette.)

Gotta go take a shower.

September 3, 2006

Forget chicken soup. I have found vicchysoisse with a good reisling and a linen napkin.I met a beautiful man. he is just neat. He is tall, smart, funny. . .and he has custody of twin 4 y.o. girls. He says "foible" in casual conversation. Heis a little bit of a political leftie. He looks like he is in love when he talks of his kids. The kids go to a Montessori school. He is well- travelled and very interesting. Hold me back. He has a masters in Poli Sci from Harvard. He speaks Spanish. He toasted inabout 6 languages. He painted his wheelbarrow. He cooks vegitarian meals. He is just, well, you know. ;-) I am going to his house for dinner Friday. What should I wear?

September 13, 2006

Dinner was just great. Just great. Yum. Wonderful food, great conversation. I left at 2:30 A.M. We just talked and shared a g'night kisslet. Mmmmm.

September 19, 2006

Did I mention that boys SUCK? "Oh, Stephanie, it is soooo good to hear your voice. I can't wait to see you again." Then why do you neither return my email nor call me?

This is from the infuriating boy. I guess his computer actually works. Ugh! I heard from him on the phone today. He is "busy" all weekend. &*# %! Whatever. He has gone from use of the word "foible" to this? What's next? WWF? I am such a free agent. I am going to go to art galleries and learn to act interested so I can get dates where I act interested in anything but football. (His acutely tasteless email follows.)

Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 andfound that
it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources forother applications. He
is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also isspawning Child-Processes which are
further consuming valuable resources.No mention of this particular
phenomena was included in the productbrochure or the documentation, though other
users have informed himthat this is to be expected due to the nature of the
application. Notonly that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always
launchedat system initialization where it can monitor all other systemactivity.
He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and
PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run,crashing the system when selected (even
though they always workedfine before). At installation, Wife 1.0 automatically
installsundesired Plug-Ins such as Mother-In-Law 55.8 and Brother-In-Law
Betarelease. As a consequence system performance seems to diminish witheach
passing day.Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming wife 2.0:
* A "Don't remind me again" button *
Minimize button * An install shield feature that allows
Wife 2.0 to be installedwith the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss
of cache andother system resources. * An option to run the
network driver in promiscuous mode whichwould allow the systems hardware probe
feature to have greater use.I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches
associated with Wife1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I
found manyproblems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top
ofGirlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other userssay this
is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of.Apparently the versions
of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared useof the I/O port. You think
they would have fixed such a stupid bugby now. To make matters worse, The
uninstall program for Girlfriend1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable
traces of theapplication in the system.Another annoying problem -- all versions
of Girlfriend continuallypop-up annoying messages about the advantages of
upgrading to Wife 1.0***** BUG WARNING ********Wife 1.0 has an
undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1before uninstalling Wife
1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney filesbefore executing a self - uninstallation.
Then Mistress 1.1 willrefuse to install, claiming insufficient system
resources.*** BUG WORK-AROUNDS ***************To avoid the above bug, try
installing Mistress 1.1 on a differentsystem and never run any file transfer
applications such as Laplink6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications
that have beenknown to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.Another solution
would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet providerunder an anonymous name. Here
again, beware of the viruses which canaccidentally be downloaded from the
UseNet.

I replied by saying:I am interested in whether or not you read this before sending. He's cool and cultured on the outside, a swiller of complete scum on the inside,I will suppose-until I hear from him again. He called yesterday (big deal) and says he is spending so much time with the girls that he has no time over the weekend. He asked me to call him at home later. I reminded him I don't havehis number, and he said he would call me later that day about his availability next weekend. No call. Just the email. Oh, sweet Loverboy, I am holding my breath. Ha.

Oh, how I hate to say back to the drawing board. I liked him. Let's hope he did not read the email before sending it.

. . .he says he did not read it and asked if it was bad. I asked him to reda1 it and let me know. He replied with. . .

"Oy....yes, that was bad. Not only bad, but particularly insensitive. I'm VERY sorry. I should have read the damn thing first.Forgive me?"

I waited a couple days to reply with. . . "Sure."



Players to date:

Cute painter guy - painted my parent's house - I seriously mishandled this one

Chicken soup for the loins - rebound from cute painter guy - no big deal, and he had no business not returning my email.

Vichysoise - Meticuloously cool and cultured on the outside, frat house during homecoming on the inside. If I delve any deeper, I may find a touch of WWF.

The cop - mr. friendly, now I feel like I am the type to jump in the lap of any supermarket bag boy who tells me to have a nice day

Policing my actions

I heard from cop guy. He sounded friendly. I asked if he would like to continue our conversation over coffee. he stopped short and told me he has a girlfriend. . . .and that wouldn't be right. I suppose I misread the situation or he all of a sudden found fidelity.

So. . .I left a message for the cop guy. My friend, George said that I need to call back within 48 hours or it will seem like I am not interested. My mother said 2 weeks. I like George's style better.

Sweet, short message in my sexy slow voice.

Not-so Little girl lost

I went to the Lowell Open Studios this afternoon. While there, I was looking at a map with another museum-goer and a motorcycle cop stopped to ask if we needed directions. (Duh, obvious. We had a map!)

I ended up talking to him about the area and he was led to know what an enviable bicep, I mean wealth of knowledge he has. The talk was getting a tad stale, and so I thought I either strike now or forever pretend not to get the hints he was dropping. I asked if I might contact him with any additional questions I might have about the area. He did not bat an eyelash. Maybe he did, but I couldn't see behind his mirrored cop glasses. He went to his motorcycle and got out a card, putting his cell number on it. Guess cop is a detective by his card. Not bad.

Cool. I will call Tuesday to see if he knows of a good place to get a cup of coffee - I will let him upgrade to a drink, but no dinner this time. I know my first date protocol.

My "girlfriend" George says it's maybe coffee then drinks, then lunch/brunch, then dinner, then whatever, because dinner is the date place pinnacle. I think his place is a little after the above unless one is looking for something that can only be done at one's place, and I am not. I can't even handle a date at his place if he does not call after. (Hey, is my phone broken?)

I was also asked to be an artist's model by one of the people at Open Studios. . .since I will not be naked with any boys, why not? (hard to think of cop as a boy, maybe it's time for some new terminology.)

http://www.breakupgirl.net/download/affirmatron/tron.html

I am cracking up at this!!!

All I need is the "don't call, don't call, don't call, don't call, don't call." I am rolling onthe floor!

Welcome letter!

The idea for the blog came about when I recognized myself communicationg with girlfriends in a here and there disconnected way. I am fond of the idea of one place to record my thoughts and, if I am lucky, save a little money on psychotherapy by exploring my own recurring themes and patterns. I do notice that people who are in a particular type of relationship tend to repeat the mistake with another, similar relationship.

I will be posting various email messages I have sent to friends on the blog.

Boys are simply infuriating, but then, so are girlfriends. I just got the "date more than one person" talk from several people. One of them is the same person who told me she thought it is wrong in a previous pep talk. I guess the pressure of my dating is getting to be too much for her and she is caving.